Season 5 Episode 13. There’s a house party, a comical misuse of the internet, a Ray Pruitt sings to stoned college kids room, every lesbian at CU, Emily Valentine and Kelly Taylor, extra-tasty crispy. What more could you want from a 90210 episode? Steve and Griffin throw a house party in a house with faulty wiring. They are told by the guy renting them the sound system and the food “that he thinks the building should be condemned. There is serious metal fatigue in all the load bearing members, the wiring is substandard, it’s completely inadequate for our power needs and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone.” So, Griffin just pops in new fuses like they were Quaaludes and the party rages on. Meanwhile Brandon meets Emily Valentine while she is in town on a lay over. Sparks fly (get it. Sparks fly. It’s like foreshadowing and a reference to other story lines) and Brandon never makes it to the house party, leaving Kelly to go to the bathroom with a lesbian in the one room in the whole house that doesn’t look like it’s in an abandoned building, the screening room. Steve and Griffin are using every room in the house. There’s a Ray Pruitt room, a make out room for Steve and Valerie to attempt coitus in, none of them furnished, and there’s a whole movie theatre that they don’t use for the party? That is complete Chewbacca. That makes no sense. But it’s sound proof so when the fire starts, Kelly and Allison (the lesbian. I know isn’t it shocking?) can scream all they want it will do very. Little. Good. This starts the ball rollin toward Kelly’s cult membership which opens the door in her relationship with Brandon for Dylan to get his foot back in. If not for all of this ridiculousness we might never have gotten to see Kelly Taylor “Choose me.”
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90210 Countdown 7: Double Jeopardy
Season 5 Episode 25. Brandon and Claire compete for a spot on College Jeopardy. They each have the most ridiculous dreams about being on the show. Claire’s dream involved question categories like “Twins” “Presidents””Minnesota”and “Chancellor’s Lackeys.” Brandon’s place him as a contestant wearing a clown costume. This episode is also the only time Jesse came close to being interesting. He moved out on Andrea and invited himself to stay with Dylan. It’s a Felix and Oscar situation, with Jesse annoying the shit out of Dylan. Never before and never since was Jesse Zuckerman Vasquez that interesting, except for the one time he yelled at Steve and suddenly, briefly, became hispanic. The moment of the episode involves Brandon sitting in the Chancellor’s office while Arnold Arnold called Claire and trash talked Brandon, pretending that Claire was the playing the dozens, saying things like “Claire says, the only way you’ll win is if the category is funny haircuts.” And reminding Brandon how many language’s she speaks. It’s perfect 90210 comedy. An honest attempt to be funny causing displaced laughter. Classic Season 5 90210
90210 Countdown 8: Hazardous to Your Health
Season 5 Episode 18. Jonesy finds Kevin and Suzanne, Dylan’s money and his little sister, Erica, hiding out in Punta Brava, Mexico. Dylan goes down to get what’s his, but he needs Valerie’s help to pull it off. Not only does this set into motion, the Dylan owes Valerie money, and it’s not enough so she gets money from Jonesy and lives in a hotel and buys the PPAD storyline, but Jonesy really gets to shine in all of his skeaviness. And to add to the awesome, Dylan races in to save Erica, only to get into a fight with Kevin who pulls a SWORD ON HIM!!! It’s Season 5. Nothing should have surprised me, but when I saw the sword fight in the previews, I was too overjoyed for words. It’s rare in a teen serial drama that a sword gets pulled, but they managed to work it in. Bravo. And the capper comes when Jonesy jumps through a window while roughly 700 Federales charge through every other egress to save the day. Why would the Federales get involved? I hear you ask. Because Jonesy told them Eric Estrada was being held captive there. And boom goes the dynamite. Plus Kelly gets further involved in a cult. The professor Finely storyline is too wonderful for words, so I’ll leave it there.
90210 Countdown Number 9: Turn Back the Clock
Season 6 Episode 16. This is a prime example of one of the things 90210 did so well. Occasionally they tried to be funny. And it was hilarious, but not for exactly the reasons they thought. It’s not the same as being unintentionally funny, like David being white, but not vanilla. It’s trying to be funny for doing one thing, but ending up being funny for how lame the attempt to do the first thing was to begin with. This tale of New Year’s Eve gone haywire, told via flashbacks to Claire, who had been out of town. The use of flashbacks was only put to better use once in the entire 10 season run, in episode number 4 on our countdown. This is probably the best appearance by the flying banana brothers, Austin and Ryan Sanders, sons of Rush, half-brothers of Steve. Steve has to baby sit them for Rush and they sneak into the PPAD and hilarity ensues. Ryan, played by young spelling sibling Randy, is the lesser ham of the two, but that bar is set amazingly low. Austin and Ryan are always ready to provide the displaced comedy in any 90210 episode, but the A story for awful(some)ness in this episode is Joe Bradley’s choice of a birthday/Christmas present for Donna. A bird he tried to teach to say, “Joe Loves Donna.” When called upon to deliver this line, he refused, but was more than willing to say, “Damned bird.” The bird escapes and hilarity ensues. But what caps it all off is this. We finally get to see Donna in the Rose Bowl parade. I’ve never been to the Rose Bowl parade, but now I never have to. It can’t possibly get any better than Donna in the parade being about to read Joe’s hand painted sign that read, “Joe Loves Donna” on one side and “Damned Bird” on the other. Also Kelly hates Val.
90210 Countdown Number 10: Squash It
Season 5 Episode 27. Great on so many levels. This is the first of six episodes from Season 5 to make the countdown and it easily could have been seven, as P.S. I Love You Part 1 and 2, just missed the cut, meaning that as much as I love Ray throwing Donna down a flight of stairs, Steve hooking up with a pre-op tranny and Muntz in a sombrero with a margarita gun strapped to his back, there were 12 episodes I love more. And Squash It works on so many levels. First, the Peach Pitt After Dark (PPAD) has been open about 4 months now and Valeria now owns it, causing their only act to flee town. With Ray gone, no one wants to come out, so the only possible solution for sagging nightclub attendance is to bring in fresh acts. And what’s fresher than a white rapper with street knowledge? David Silver comes out of retirement (it’s safe to assume that the crabs he caught from Aerial while on tour with Babyface, again, hyper realistic, have cleared up as well) to perform at the PPAD, but everyone’s favorite fry cook, Willie, has a nephew who David catches messing with his gear, causing David to say the following, “What are you doing messing with my gear, and be straight up, because I…” David is clearly talking to a black guy, because he uses his street slang. Turns out Willie’s nephew is a troubled youth who’s been involved with gangs. Which brings us to two of the best things about 90210. 1.) There are never any black people around, unless they are used to prove that a.) some black people are alright or b.) to give the gang a chance to solve a major societal problem. Willie’s nephew is kind of alright, but he’s learning the best way not to let his street temper get the better of him is to make a fist with one hand, slap the open palm of his other hand across the top of the fist and say “Squash It.” David learns this too and helps remind Willie’s nephew when some black people show up at the PPAD. David solved gang violence and managed to get the line, “Yo, I may be white, but I ain’t vanilla.” out of his mouth with a straight face. You can judge which was the harder of the two feats.
90210 Countdown Number 11: Things to Do on a Rainy Day
Season 2 Episode 26. Color Me Badd. Need I say more? I will, however. This is the episode where 90210 began the shift from a series of stand alone episodes to a more serialized format. A Case could be made for “Play it Again, David” from the beginning of Season 2, where Mel and Jackie start dating, changing character relationships and dynamics for longer periods of time, but I’m partial to “Rainy Day.” Not only does Kelly get past all security to meet Color Me Badd (whose favorite color is, badd, of course), but while running around the hotel trying to find a way upstairs, Donna sees her mom kissing another man and going into a hotel room with him for a nice middle-aged nooner. David and Brenda spend the rest of the episode trying to help Donna, while Steve, Brandon and Dylan hire a stripper to come to Casa Walsh, only to have Andrea show up and ruin all the sexy. But the awesome doesn’t end there. Kelly gets Color Me Badd to come to the Peach Pitt for Mega Burgers after the concert and Brandon makes them sing for their supper. I’ve never seen something so realistic. All pop group leaves the concert with a high school girl to go to local burger joints where a.) no one else in the place comes to bother them and b.) they listen to the part time high school employee who tells them they must sing to receive service. This episode is so great it easily could have cracked the top 5.
90210 Countdown: Number 12 “Graduation Day Parts 1 & 2
As the gang prepares to graduate from California University, Kelly’s hatred of Valerie comes to a head, and there’s no greater hatred in all of TV history than Kelly v. Val. It’s completely irrational. Kelly thinks Val’s no good. She smokes pot. She lies about pregnancy’s and abortions. She leaves diaper’s on her lover’s doorstep. But, Kelly was a coke head, a diet pill addict, a cult member and every man on the show (Brandon, Dylan, Steve, David, Matt) saw her naked. She stole her best friend’s boyfriend and then started dating her ex-boyfriend’s best friend. She’s a hot mess and for some reason thinks she’s better than Val. Donna finally gives up her V-Card in a ridiculously over done set up, that nearly put David to sleep. But the reason this episode make the list is Steve Sander’s “best prank ever” for graduation. It’s not the prank itself, but one line in particular. Dressed all in black and a ski mask. Steve asks Muntz “Who am I? Who am I? I’m Steve Sanders. With a cap on. Giddie up!” It’s dialogue like this that makes 90210 so wonderful.
This Means…something
On Sunday Class of 2012 Broad Ripple guard, Ron Patterson joined Peter Jurkin as the second member of the 2012 recruiting class. In an interview about his commitment to the Hoosiers Patterson, the 65th ranked player in the class of 2012, said that he expected fellow 2012 Indiana high school basketball player Jeremy Hollowell to follow suit with a commitment later this week. Hollowell, the 35th ranked player in the same class has been considered an strong Indiana lean, by people who consider such things, for a while now.
Patterson’s commitment and statement about Hollowell sparked the usual rush of predictions and excited message board postings, analysis of the potential impact of these commitments to the other potential recruits, and definitive statements about Coach Crean’s recruiting prowess.
Over the summer, any IU basketball news is cause for endless analysis and speculation. We just don’t have that much to do over the summer.
I’m not writing this to report this news to you. I’m sure you knew all of this by now. I’m writing this to tell you, without the least bit of exaggeration or hyperbole, that if Hollowell does, in fact verbally commit this week, August 2010 will be one of the single most important months in the history of Indiana basketball.
Before I get into why this is so important, and why this doesn’t put any unnecessary pressure on these two kids, who are about to enter their junior year of high school, let’s look a couple of other contenders for most important months in Indiana basketball history (I’m limiting this discussion to events that occurred off the the court).
September 2000. Kent Harvey was a disrespectful douche. Myles Brand had created an incredibly nebulous “zero-tolerance” policy and felt the need to flex his muscles when Coach Knight tried to teach this kid about how to speak to his elders. Knight was fired, Mike Davis was named interim coach. The next decade of Indiana basketball was set in motion when Bob Knight grabbed that kid by the elbow.
February 2008. The NCAA reported the findings of their investigation in Kelvin Sampson and his rampant cheating, accusing Sampson and Indiana of Five Major Violations, not the two minor violations the university claimed to have uncovered the previous summer. Sampson was bought out and resigned. The players gave up and the season disintegrated.
May 2008. After a month of evaluating the basketball talent on his knew team, and going through the toxic waste left behind by Sampson it was decision time. Eli Holman started the month off by requesting a transfer and throwing a potted plant across the basketball office, resulting in a call to campus police. The next day Tom Crean upheld Dan Dakich’s decision to boot Armon Bassett and Jamarcus Ellis from the team. He also dismissed DeAndre Thomas from the team and said his scholarship would not be renewed. Two days later Maurice Creek committed to IU. On May 16th, former Hoosier forward William Gladness died. On May 20th, Jordan Hulls committed. On May 22nd, Brandon McGee was dismissed from the team, leaving only Kyle Taber and Jordan Crawford as returning scholarship athletes from the 2008 season. The month ended with Jeremiah Rivers decision to transfer to Indiana. There may not be another month where more things happened off the court that would not only set the tone for the type of program Indiana would be going forward, but would also establish just how difficult the post-Sampson rebuild was going to be. May 2008 holds the unquestioned top spot for most important month in Indiana basketball history.
How then does the signing of two, potentially three players who won’t suit up until the fall of 2012, a full two years away, even rate a mention in the same column as those other months? After all, Crean has already shown that he can recruit Top 100 players in Creek and Watford. He’s shown he can recruit tall African players in Tijon and Bawa (and neither of those two developed into what anyone hoped they would). These commitments aren’t significant because Patterson and Hollowell are going to turn into Cheaney and Greg Graham (They might, who knows). These signings don’t guarantee a return to the top of the Big Ten. I don’t expect anything more of these kids than I do of most other highly rated recruits. These commitments are huge because of what they do to the perception of Hoosier fans.
The class of 2012 has long been seen as a make-or-break class for Crean by people who use phrases like “make-or-break” because of the amount of in-state talent and the fact that we will have available scholarships for that season. When Crean was hired he was behind the 8 ball in more ways than one. Not only did he inherit a team full of players he had to kick off (or dodge projectile shrubbery from), but he was WAY behind other schools, like Butler, Purdue, Michigan State, Ohio State and Duke in recruiting the 2008-2010 classes. He had to focus on fielding a team right away, and not so much on building relationships with younger talent that would bear fruit later. The class of 2012 was seen as the first class where Crean would be working on nearly equal footing with other major programs.
He would have the time to recruit these players and the Indiana kids in this class were shaping up to be very good.
Crean had been close to landing other big named recruits, but with a score of near misses on top talent and two losing seasons in a row, Hoosier fans had started to go from cautiously optimistic to borderline suicidal. There was much focus on how bad things were and how great things were in the past.
Now, with the Patterson commitment, the promise of Hollowell and the potential ripple effect these signing will have on other recruits like Hanner Parea, Cody Zeller and Yogi Ferrall, Hoosier fans were starting to look forward with excitement toward the future. Crean was not just coming close with big time in-state talent. He was landing them.
Indiana fans, with one single commitment and the promise of another soon to follow, had turned into forward-looking fans with realistic hope of returning to the top.
Just as May 2008 set place the reality of just how bad we had let thing become under Sampson and placed the first few piof our recovery, but more important, August 2010 has marked a change in attitude, perception and expectation. Instead of lamenting the players we’ve lost or hoping against hope that we’ll get the next one, we’re starting to expect that we’ll get all the guys we want and have to choose between some top guys who all want to come here.
Coach Crean’s hard work, and our patience, is starting to pay off.
Are you ready for some football?
Last night I went to an IU football kick off event hosted by the the IU Alumni Association. There was free food, free beer, lots of Hoosiers and special guest speakers.
Athletic Director Fred Glass was there to introduce the main speaker for the night, your coach and mine Bill Lynch.
Lynch spoke for maybe 15 minutes and took some questions from the audience about the Pistol offense, our back up quarterback situation, the new facilities and the outlook for this year’s football team.
But the conversation that I found myself involved in most often, whether it was with the ’73 and ’62 Alumni I sat with during the speech, or with a former Hoosier football player from the Rose Bowl Team and Coach Lynch himself, was about getting the students excited about the team, creating an atmosphere of excitement in Memorial Stadium and generally getting people involved in IU football again.
Or, as I like to think of it, the same conversation Hoosier fans have every year.
There are two ways to get people excited about your program, and we saw both of them work a few years ago. The first, and most important, way is to win.
If IU puts a fun, exciting and successful program on the field people will fill the stadium. You want proof? Go back and watch the Purdue game from 2007. That place was packed with excited fans. Hoosiers want to get excited about IU football, but they need a reason.
Give us a winning football team and watch the fans show up.
The second way, and this is only a short term fix because if the team doesn’t win eventually this won’t do much, is to hire a coach who is vibrant, exciting and a great pitch man for the program. Terry Hoeppner was all of that and more. He was excited about IU football, and he made us excited about it as well.
I’m in no position to tell you if someone is a good X’s and O’s football coach, having never played the game in my life, but I can tell you this. After watching him talk last night and then speaking to him for 15 minutes after that, Bill Lynch does not have the ability to get the fan base fired up.
He may be a great X’s and O’s guy. I can’t say, but the purpose of last night’s event was to get us excited and ready for a great IU football season.
My mood, as I left there last night, can best be described as cautiously optimistic.
I don’t make it to many football games. The drive from Chicago is a bit much to do every week, but I make it to at least one game a year. I do, however, watch every game on TV, which puts me on the high end of the Committed IU Football Fan Scale.
If you can’t make me excited, then you can’t make anyone excited.
The theme song for last night’s event is a little something I like to call Bill Lynch is excited.
It’s my computer reading the lyrics to “I”m so Excited” by the Pointer Sisters while we watch paint dry. Enjoy.
The Greatest Time in our history
All credit to The Daily Show for putting this image on television Tuesday night. I know that they had other things to cover, but they did not give this picture it’s propers when it got home. They could, no should, have spent the entire 22 minutes on this picture.
Let me break down for you the reasons this may be the greatest photo ever taken.
1.) There was a time in our country’s history where Mr. T was such a big star that the First Lady sat on his lap while he was dressed in a Santa suit. Try to pick the biggest TV star today and put Michelle Obama on his lap. I can’t do it. I can’t come up with anyone who is even close to that famous.
2.) This photo doesn’t happen unless the political beliefs of Nancy Reagan and Mr. T are perfectly aligned. That sentence is just funny.
3.) Look at their feet. Nancy has little red puffy balls on her shoes and Mr. T’s are held together by duct tape.
4.) In a world where Mr. T is Santa, everyone, regardless of their position in the world, gets Mr. T related toys for Christmas. “Merry Christmas Foo’ Here’s a Mr. T doll.” People are giving Obama shit for giving the Queen of England an iPod. At least it wasn’t an Obama action figure with the words “Gentle Giant” written on the front.
5.) President Reagan is being held back by secret service just off camera because just prior to Nancy sitting on Mr. T’s lap, Mr. T looked at Nancy and said, “Hey, Woman. Hey, Woman! Listen here. Since your old man ain’t got no heart, maybe you like to see a real man. I bet you stay up late every night dreamin’ you had a real man, don’t ya? I’ll tell you what. Bring your pretty little self over to my apartment tonight, and I’ll show you a real man.”
6.) Right after this picture was taken, Mr. T cut down that tree behind them. And every other tree in the White House. The neighbors were pissed.
7.) And finally, Mr. T and the Reagan administration have been linked in my mind and heart for well over 20 years now. I can’t tell you the number of times I went to school on a Wednesday morning really, really pissed at Ronald Reagan for having a press conference at 8pm the night before and pre-empting the A-Team. All the while they were working together.
Jeff Taylor Writes 