Jeff Taylor Writes

Hoosier Hysteria

October 12, 2007by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

Tonight is the start of college basketball season, and for the first time in a long time, Indiana has legitimate Final Four hopes. Of course I don’t count our trip to the 2002 championship game. For two reasons, 1.) No one thought, at the beginning, or the middle of that year, that we were heading to the Final Four. And 2.) I’ve watched that Duke game at least four times and I still have no idea how we won that game. So, can’t say when the season tipped off that I was doing any more than my usual, rosy glasses hope that we’d be cutting the nets down.

This year, I feel an excitement I haven’t felt in a long time, maybe 1993.

I’m watching Big Ten Tonight on the Big Ten Network right now, our source for not only Hoosier Hysteria, but also, for the first time in years, both of IU’s exhibition games. I can’t even begin to express how glad I am that these games are back on TV. As much as I LOOOOOVE listening to Don Fischer (across the timeline) call an IU game, I can’t get a gauge on how well the team is playing, how well they do the little things, by just listening to it, and growing up we got to see ALLL the games, no exceptions, and if one wasn’t on TV for some strange reason it was cause for surprise and truly justified anger.

First glimpse of the Hoosiers, a bumper on the way to commercial after 10 minutes of talking football. Women’s three point shooting!!!!!!

The coverage of the first practices is being split between 5 different schools. Michigan State, Illinois, Wisconsin (and this one is strange and frightening to me. 6’10" white guys dancing to "What is Love." and black guys in cowboy hats dancing to "Achy Breaky Heart." I was about to call shenanigans on the whole thing until one of them came out to Deringer’s "Real American" and did a Hogan style pose down. The Bo Ryan danced to some song called either called soldier boy or by a guy named soldier boy. Hard to tell. Bo Ryan is AWESOME!!! Kelvin Sampson should dance more. Minnesota joins Indiana as the other teams. It also looks like I’m gonna have to hit the internets to see the extended clips of Hoosier Hysteria.

At this point, 26 minutes in, it looks like all we’re gonna get of IU is bumps into commercial. So far, I gotta say this coverage is leaving A LOT to be desired.

OK, got to see AJ and DJ introduced to the crowd. They danced. Then fade to commercial. After my trip to Bloomington this weekend and catching these two announcements, it seems clear that Chuck Crabb is no longer announcing home games. This is sad to me. I’m sure it was his choice to step down and not do this anymore, so good for him, but for those of us who grew up with that voice. I don’t know. It seems like something’s missing.

Cut to Kelvin Sampson’s crowd address. He announces that Eli Holman has cleared NCAA Clearinghouse. GREAT NEWS!!! And also that DeAndre Thomas has dropped 50 pounds. He’s down under 300 pounds. That’s fantastic IU has kids that are willing to work hard and get things done.

He’s been talking for under 3 minutes and the crowd has busted into Er-IC GOR-DON, and E-Li HOL-MAN chants. I’m calling for an end to this cheer. I don’t know what the fans are going to do if we get a big time fan favorite whose name can’t be broken down in to four syllables like that. Just shut up with that cheer already. Plus, I bet it make A.J. Moye feels a little cheap when you use his cheer for other people.

Sampson gives props to the football team. God it’s fun to have a football team getting it done. He reaches a little with the BCS mention. The cheers for that are scattered as I’m sure most IU fans feel like I do. I expect us to make a bowl, and continue to do well this season, but I’ve been watching IU Football for going on 20 years now, and for the past 14 of them the wheels have either fallen off or never been attached to begin with. So, I’ll continue to cheer with the fear that the whole damn thing is gonna come crashing down around our ears any second.

Finally get to see some scrimmage. Another fucking four syllacheer. For a recruit this time.

Now I’m watching Tubby Smith Dance. I’m rethinking my desire to have Kelvin Sampson dance. Did a memo go out from the BTN requesting that middle age men dance this year to really put this thing over, three count in the middle of the ring, no foot on the ropes, no chairs style?

OK, Eric Gordon just pulled up and drilled a 3, then Lance hits one. Those are two very good things. I can’t wait to see Gordon in action. This could be a lot of fun.

Illinois has replaced a dancing Indian mascot with some tribal African dancing. I have no context for this what so ever. Other than it looks a little like the way Vanessa danced during the opening credits for season, I don’t know, the first one with Olivia, of the Cosby show. With no understanding of the reasoning behind this dancing, I’ll just say I don’t get it.

This coverage is giving me a headache. They’re bouncing around from one school to another. It’s really hard to follow.

The MSU team was clearly forbidden to wear shirts. Again, I don’t know. It’s all about 300 I guess, but Izzo is dressed like Caesar.

To quote Walter Sobchak, HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY?!!!!!

That’s it for the BTN coverage of this. I’ll get back with you when I see the extended stuff. If you didn’t see this and are just reading it. Trust me when I say the way I wrote this is no more disjointed than how it looked on my televisions.

More Later.

Not this crap again

October 2, 2007by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

This morning as I was fixin’ to walk out the door at 7:00, The CBS Early Show came on. Their lead story, a story’s coverage that included at least two "experts" and lasted longer than the five minutes I was in the house before I left for work, was about Britney Spears losing custody of her kids.

I’ve come off my position that this type of stuff isn’t news, because clearly people care about it and, for some reason, want to know about it. There are entire programs and numerous website dedicated to celebrity news.

But here’s the problem. As there are a number of places to get this type of news coverage, and as there are about a thousand things of more import and more impact on the everyday lives of people, how can this possibly be the lead story on anything, but Extra or TMZ?

It’s not important to me whether Britney Spears raises her children or whether Kevin Federline does it. I’m sure they will be equally screwed up regardless of the outcome. The only reason I even remotely care is that if Britney has them we’ll only have to hear stories about one of these losers. This way K-Fed is back in the news and I find that objectionable.

So, I’m asking very politely of the network news divisions that set these types of priorities and the producers who put these pieces together. Make this a third hour story. Put it before or after the cooking segment, or around when the travel segment airs. Just please quit leading the broadcast with it.

It makes us all a little dumber. And a lot of us can’t afford to get any dumber.

Some may call me a cynic

September 25, 2007by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

I saw this story this morning. Who wants to bet me that this casino doesn’t end up on the south side in a black neighborhood.

They get all the good stuff. Casinos, liquor stores, no big grocery stores, crappy schools.

Billy Packer invades Canada

September 21, 2007by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

It seems it doesn’t take very much to prove the ~~existence~~ expanding influence of the Packer Method . As just came across this article.

Canada doesn’t really need lessons in lying. They’ve been trying to tell us that Ham is bacon for decades, but true to their deceitful nature, they have found the one new, true method of fabrication the U.S. has to offer and have incorporated it into their own culture.

I never dreamed Billy Packer had this kind of reach.

Oh, Canada.

First stories of the year

September 14, 2007by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

I’m forgetting a lot of great ones, but here are a couple samples of conversations I or other teachers in my school have had with students so far this year.

(Int. Cafeteria Day) Kindergarten
Little Mulder: Where did Ms. Krabapple go? (the teacher had left the class with the aid to go and eat lunch herself)
Aid: "She had to go take care of some things."
Little Mulder: "That’s too bad. We had some good times."

(Int. Computer Lab Day) 7th grade

In a discussion at the end of class about seafood that was started because that’s what I had for dinner last night)

All of the students were mentioning seafood they like or don’t like.

7th Grade Mulder: "I like Oysters. Cause they’re sexy."
Me: "They’re what?"
7M: "They’re sexy"
Me: "Okay."

The rigors of real academic study

September 9, 2007by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

As always, when I see Indiana University make the national news I am interested, and mostly proud. For example, when IU was ranked the #1 party school by the Princeton Review a few years ago (this year IU was 8th on the list) I took great pride in that, as todays ranking merely reflects the years of dedicated good times had by prior students. I am part of the giant on whose shoulders those rankings stand.

But, this story is just too great. Indiana University, the school that houses the Kinsey Institute, has gone from the leader in the study of human sexual behavior, to publishing studies that say that given the choice, guys choose the hot girl.

Also, women chose men who they thought they could get based on how hot they were.

But the best part of this study is that when putting together this study they decided they needed to go all the way to Munich, Germany to find out that guys prefer hot chics. They could have saved a great deal of time and money and done this study in Ballantine on any day of the week.

God Bless Academia.

Robert Vaden’s High Nightclub IQ

September 5, 2007by Jeff Taylor1 Comment

Not much more needs to be said.

Look here

Big Ten Network Opening Weekend

September 3, 2007by Jeff Taylor1 Comment

After one weekend I’ve come down pretty much where I expected to on the Big Ten Network. It’s a great idea that will only get better. There was IU football on this weekend, as well as (and this is almost more exciting to me) IU soccer. College soccer is not something that gets much air time, unless it’s the college cup. But now, thanks to the Big Ten Network, there is IU soccer on television. This may not excite many people, but it excites me. And I believe that plus all of the other sports that can now be televised will be enough to excite a lot of other people.

The best news, however, for the Big Ten network was that Appalachian State v. Michigan game on Sat. It was the first game on the Big Ten Network and it was a classic. The Big Ten Network needs games like that to fight the argument that the cable networks are putting out there that BTN is only carrying second tier games. I guarantee there were a number of people pretty pissed they could watch that game.

On the negative, I’m not a huge fan of the look of the soccer game. The shots are a little tight, and it doesn’t look like an ESPN quality broadcast. It looks more like one of those BET football game productions. The other thing that should get tweaked is the graphics. The screen that listed all the scores for the day was various shades of black and grey. Not easy to read. Easy fix, and I’m sure they’ll straighten that out.

All in all, I’m pretty happy with the BTN, and glad I’ve got Directv so I can watch it.

Las would be proud

September 2, 2007by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

I’ve driven past this place 1000 times and always had the same thought. And it was always about John Laskowski and his preference for open sided MRI. I had to go here last week for an ultrasound on my abdominal aorta (thanks genetics). I thought it was great that I finally had cause to enter a place offering the fabled open sided MRI.

Then I had the worst ultrasound ever. My stomach still has a six-eight inch internal bruise that is sore to the touch thanks to the mortar and pestle style in which the technician ground the magic ultra sound wand into my stomach. For close to 45 minutes.

I know that Las was only trying to help, and also that he was only talking about Open Sided MRI, but I can’t help but hold him partially responsible.

Thank God Todd Leary has never told me to get any medical procedures. It takes a real man to follow his advice.

Longest IU football post ever written

August 31, 2007by Jeff Taylor1 Comment

IU football begins tomorrow, in the annual quest to finally return to a bowl game. I think this year 7-5 and a bowl bid my be in the cards, but I think that almost every year, despite all evidence to the contrary. The difference is that I’m not just hopeful this year. I expect us to get this done. Now, as an IU fan (and thus a hater of the 3rd quarter) I know that a million things can and very well may go wrong before we make a bowl appearance, but this team really should get over that hump.

There’s also the very real feeling that the team is extra motivated to get this done for Hep.

Which brings me to another issue. How can you not feel, as a Hoosier fan, that this program is doomed. We’ve been kicked sqa in tha nuts so many times the dull ache has become a constant mild throbbing at this point, much like I imagine Mitch Kramer ass felt after the seniors caught him after his baseball game. To emphasize this point and drive it home to those of us who may not have been expecting Lucy to pull the ball away, again. The reason we didn’t go to a bowl last year was because of the losses we suffered while Hep was out having his second operation. You get that. What kept us from a bowl game was brain surgery. You can’t get a much more serious raod block thrown in your way.

Except, wait. Just when we’re all getting the feeling like the program is finally moving in the right direction and we’re just a breath away from a modicum of respectability, Hep dies.

As a human being, this is just tragic and heartbraking. No family should have to suffer this kind of hurt.

As an IU football fan, my reaction, was, well that figures. Just when it seems like we’ve made it over the chasm and past the monsters and orcs and are about to emerge from the mines or Moria, the fire whip grabs our Gandalf by the ankle and yanks him into darkness (believe it or not, when I started that paragraph I had no idea a Lord of the Rings reference was coming.) I could go on with the analogy about how we need to move on after our leader has fallen and finish the quest, but that’s so lame and geeky I can’t bring myself to do it.

My point is this dude. My concern is that this year we will get it done. We’ll finally return to a bowl game and at the end of the year Bill Lynch will get the head coaching job on a long term basis because of the two sweetest words in the English language, De-Fault.

Coach Lynch may be the right person for this job. He may not, but the last time we had an interim coach who had some success we had to suffer through the Mike Davis Era. I can’t do that again. I’m not that strong.

At the end of this season, regardless of our record, the IU football program and all of the fans deserve an exhaustive coaching search. Bill Lynch should be included in the list of candidates, but the university would be cheating all of us if they don’t go out and try to find the absolute right person for this job and bring them in to continue building this program. Just like they did when they hired Hep.