Category: Beverly Hills 90210

Season 5 Episode 18. Jonesy finds Kevin and Suzanne, Dylan’s money and his little sister, Erica, hiding out in Punta Brava, Mexico. Dylan goes down to get what’s his, but he needs Valerie’s help to pull it off. Not only does this set into motion, the Dylan owes Valerie money, and it’s not enough so she gets money from Jonesy and lives in a hotel and buys the PPAD storyline, but Jonesy really gets to shine in all of his skeaviness. And to add to the awesome, Dylan races in to save Erica, only to get into a fight with Kevin who pulls a SWORD ON HIM!!! It’s Season 5. Nothing should have surprised me, but when I saw the sword fight in the previews, I was too overjoyed for words. It’s rare in a teen serial drama that a sword gets pulled, but they managed to work it in. Bravo. And the capper comes when Jonesy jumps through a window while roughly 700 Federales charge through every other egress to save the day. Why would the Federales get involved? I hear you ask. Because Jonesy told them Eric Estrada was being held captive there. And boom goes the dynamite. Plus Kelly gets further involved in a cult. The professor Finely storyline is too wonderful for words, so I’ll leave it there.

Season 6 Episode 16. This is a prime example of one of the things 90210 did so well. Occasionally they tried to be funny. And it was hilarious, but not for exactly the reasons they thought. It’s not the same as being unintentionally funny, like David being white, but not vanilla. It’s trying to be funny for doing one thing, but ending up being funny for how lame the attempt to do the first thing was to begin with. This tale of New Year’s Eve gone haywire, told via flashbacks to Claire, who had been out of town. The use of flashbacks was only put to better use once in the entire 10 season run, in episode number 4 on our countdown. This is probably the best appearance by the flying banana brothers, Austin and Ryan Sanders, sons of Rush, half-brothers of Steve. Steve has to baby sit them for Rush and they sneak into the PPAD and hilarity ensues. Ryan, played by young spelling sibling Randy, is the lesser ham of the two, but that bar is set amazingly low. Austin and Ryan are always ready to provide the displaced comedy in any 90210 episode, but the A story for awful(some)ness in this episode is Joe Bradley’s choice of a birthday/Christmas present for Donna. A bird he tried to teach to say, “Joe Loves Donna.” When called upon to deliver this line, he refused, but was more than willing to say, “Damned bird.” The bird escapes and hilarity ensues. But what caps it all off is this. We finally get to see Donna in the Rose Bowl parade. I’ve never been to the Rose Bowl parade, but now I never have to. It can’t possibly get any better than Donna in the parade being about to read Joe’s hand painted sign that read, “Joe Loves Donna” on one side and “Damned Bird” on the other. Also Kelly hates Val.

Season 5 Episode 27. Great on so many levels. This is the first of six episodes from Season 5 to make the countdown and it easily could have been seven, as P.S. I Love You Part 1 and 2, just missed the cut, meaning that as much as I love Ray throwing Donna down a flight of stairs, Steve hooking up with a pre-op tranny and Muntz in a sombrero with a margarita gun strapped to his back, there were 12 episodes I love more. And Squash It works on so many levels. First, the Peach Pitt After Dark (PPAD) has been open about 4 months now and Valeria now owns it, causing their only act to flee town. With Ray gone, no one wants to come out, so the only possible solution for sagging nightclub attendance is to bring in fresh acts. And what’s fresher than a white rapper with street knowledge? David Silver comes out of retirement (it’s safe to assume that the crabs he caught from Aerial while on tour with Babyface, again, hyper realistic, have cleared up as well) to perform at the PPAD, but everyone’s favorite fry cook, Willie, has a nephew who David catches messing with his gear, causing David to say the following, “What are you doing messing with my gear, and be straight up, because I…” David is clearly talking to a black guy, because he uses his street slang. Turns out Willie’s nephew is a troubled youth who’s been involved with gangs. Which brings us to two of the best things about 90210. 1.) There are never any black people around, unless they are used to prove that a.) some black people are alright or b.) to give the gang a chance to solve a major societal problem. Willie’s nephew is kind of alright, but he’s learning the best way not to let his street temper get the better of him is to make a fist with one hand, slap the open palm of his other hand across the top of the fist and say “Squash It.” David learns this too and helps remind Willie’s nephew when some black people show up at the PPAD. David solved gang violence and managed to get the line, “Yo, I may be white, but I ain’t vanilla.” out of his mouth with a straight face. You can judge which was the harder of the two feats.

Season 2 Episode 26. Color Me Badd. Need I say more? I will, however. This is the episode where 90210 began the shift from a series of stand alone episodes to a more serialized format. A Case could be made for “Play it Again, David” from the beginning of Season 2, where Mel and Jackie start dating, changing character relationships and dynamics for longer periods of time, but I’m partial to “Rainy Day.” Not only does Kelly get past all security to meet Color Me Badd (whose favorite color is, badd, of course), but while running around the hotel trying to find a way upstairs, Donna sees her mom kissing another man and going into a hotel room with him for a nice middle-aged nooner. David and Brenda spend the rest of the episode trying to help Donna, while Steve, Brandon and Dylan hire a stripper to come to Casa Walsh, only to have Andrea show up and ruin all the sexy. But the awesome doesn’t end there. Kelly gets Color Me Badd to come to the Peach Pitt for Mega Burgers after the concert and Brandon makes them sing for their supper. I’ve never seen something so realistic. All pop group leaves the concert with a high school girl to go to local burger joints where a.) no one else in the place comes to bother them and b.) they listen to the part time high school employee who tells them they must sing to receive service. This episode is so great it easily could have cracked the top 5.

As the gang prepares to graduate from California University, Kelly’s hatred of Valerie comes to a head, and there’s no greater hatred in all of TV history than Kelly v. Val. It’s completely irrational. Kelly thinks Val’s no good. She smokes pot. She lies about pregnancy’s and abortions. She leaves diaper’s on her lover’s doorstep. But, Kelly was a coke head, a diet pill addict, a cult member and every man on the show (Brandon, Dylan, Steve, David, Matt) saw her naked. She stole her best friend’s boyfriend and then started dating her ex-boyfriend’s best friend. She’s a hot mess and for some reason thinks she’s better than Val. Donna finally gives up her V-Card in a ridiculously over done set up, that nearly put David to sleep. But the reason this episode make the list is Steve Sander’s “best prank ever” for graduation. It’s not the prank itself, but one line in particular. Dressed all in black and a ski mask. Steve asks Muntz “Who am I? Who am I? I’m Steve Sanders. With a cap on. Giddie up!” It’s dialogue like this that makes 90210 so wonderful.