Ted Dibiase was right

I heard a story today I found, on its face, quite gross, but on reflection poses a few interesting questions.

It seems that at one point last year a group of seventh grade boys collected $280 and paid another student to drink his own piss.

I know your reaction, like mine, was yuck.

I also know that your second reaction was, "That’s not enough money for me to do that."

Followed by a quick mental calculation of how much it would cost for you to WaterWorld.

I know this because when I heard the story, that’s what I thought, then when I told Adam, that’s what he thought.

Usually, Adam and I following a similar train of thought is neither abnormal, nor indicative of a larger pattern, but here I think it holds.

Before you judge this boy too harshly, I’d like you to consider a few mitigating factors.

1.) Drinking a cup of your own urine is not, as far as I know, lethal, which means that there’s a price at which you would do this. It might be a really high price, but there’s a price.

2.) $280 seems like a small sum of money, but consider that these are not adult dollars. These are 7th grade dollars. When I was in 7th grade I used to go my future High School on Saturdays following home football games to search for change that had fallen out of people’s pockets the night before. If I found $5 I would be ecstatic. $280 would have been a king’s ransom.

3.) What is $280 7th grade dollars adjusted to adult dollars? I’m going to Packer Method this thing and call it at least a 5:1 adult to kid ratio. Meaning that $280 kid dollars is roughly $1400 adult dollars. It may be even more lopsided than that. Is $1400 in the ball park for your price?

What do you think? Was I right about your reaction? Did the kid get suckered, or get over?

The Devil You Know

Turns out I was wrong. John McCain knows more than I do.

It turns out he did go Full-Crazy-Alaska.

I so underestimated the craziness of Sarah Palin. To be fair, at the time I didn’t know that she, knowing her unborn child would have to live his life dealing with Down Syndrome, decided that the way to ease his burden in life would be to name him Trig.

VP Michael Palin

I only read the headline, so I assume that’s who McCain picked as his VP. I did not realize he was governor of Alaska.

Personally, I think if you’re going to go Alaska, you should go Full-Crazy-Alaska. Who wouldn’t love the entertainment value of Ted Stevens in the national spotlight? Republicans, I guess, but I don’t think they’re seeing the big picture.

They would have almost unlimited power over the tubes.

McCain-Stevens

"So Crazy, it Just Might Work"

It’s a major award

Last Saturday, for the third year in a row, Laura and I went to Slay-A-Thon. This is basically a Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon held at Dave & Busters. It is a fund raiser for the Make-a-Wish Foundation. We’ve gone each year to watch Buffy and support the cause, but mostly to watch Buffy.

People get pledges for how long they will watch. There is a silent as well as a live auction and a raffle. The auctions had some cool things, collectors items and unpainted figure models mostly. Things I liked, but wasn’t willing to pay $400 to own.

So, for our contribution Laura bought a $25 raffle ticket to win a fantastic model of the Magic Box. It is a 1/6 size replica of the central set of the post-high school years in Sunnydale. The detail is fantastic and I was impressed with it last year when they had, what I assumed was another one, but was in fact the same one, since last year’s winner didn’t pick it up.

Anywho, to make a long story short, (too late) when they called the winner he was me. Laura immediately regretted purchsing the ticket as this thing is 3.5 feetin long and about 18" tall (which is roughly the size of Stone Henge). I have no idea where we’re going to put it. It’s still in the box right now, but if we had a central window that over looked the street you can bet your sweet bippy it would be there for all to see.

I’ll put up more pictures once it unboxed and put on display, but for now, you’ll have to be satisfied with this picture, taken at the Slay-a-Thon with me holding the winning ticket.

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Go On

Please enjoy this. It’s been running through my head all day long. I have no explanation.

NBC needs a Mulligan

Last Saturday something bordering on the miraculous happened. Laura sat down with me and watched a sporting event. It happened again last night, which means maybe we’ve turned a corner, but it’s more likely that these events are outliers.

What we watched on Saturday was Michael Phelps winning his 8th gold medal. Truly amazing. Of course we were not alone in our viewership. I know this because a.) duh and b.) NBC posted their ratings the next day. 31.1 million people tuned in to watch it, making it the highest rated Saturday evening event on NBC in over 18 years.

So, what was on in 1990 that made even more people tune in than watching someone do something that has never been done in the history of sports, and may never be done again?

Empty Nest

A sweeps month episode of the Richard Mulligan helmed Golden Girls spin-off.

By no means do I wish to undermine the quality of Empty Nest. Hell, it ran for 7 seasons and I remember watching it ad laughing. But what kind of a world do we live in, or did we live in, I can’t decide whether to be angry at us now or us then, where a once in a lifetime event draws 31.1 million viewers while that cold February night 31.4 million people tuned in to watch Empty Nest.

Who knows, maybe there was a big blizzard throughout much of the country on whatever date that episode aired, I’m far too lazy to find out, or maybe there was a big guest star, like Rue McClanahan in a rare Golden Girls crossover event, but regardless. How is it possible that more people didn’t tune in to watch Phelps?

We can take some comfort, I guess that he outdrew every episode of Empty Nest that aired after February, 1990, and that was a lot, as it was only season two at that point.

Anyway, congrats to Michael Phelps, and I guess to Kristy McNichol.

Commitment

We went to see The Dark Knight last night, we didn’t get to see it because the power on the whole block went out about ten minutes before it was supposed to start. They had to give out rain checks to everyone in every theater and send us all home. As annoying as it was at least we weren’t in the middle of the movie when it happened.

Not the point of this post though. While we were waiting to go into the theater (we were probably 40 people deep in line) a teenager got in line about ten people behind us dressed as Joker.

His friends all arrived and thought he looked pretty bad-ass.

The whole thing made me sad and disappointed in teenagers today and not for the reason you may think.

If you care enough about Batman to get dressed up in full Joker attire how are you not the first guy in line?

You are committed enough to go to walgteens to buy all the stuff, cover your face in the make up and dye your hair, but you aren’t committed enough to show up early enough to be near the front of the line?

It’s symptomatic of a greater laziness. Kids used to have to drive to different cities, hours away, to sit in line for hours, possibly overnight just to get tickets to see their favorite band, now guys feel it’s enough effort just to dress up in character. And your friends are impressed, even though you couldn’t leave home 20 minutes earlier to be first in line.

Kids today are pussies.

Journalisn’t

I happened across this on digg this morning.

Aside from my general cringiness at the thought of the 4th amendment being effed in the A, here’s my problem with this.

I happened to see this piece on Countdown the other day, and this piece accurately describes what happened on the show.

And that’s all it does.

This isn’t reporting. It’s transcribing. David Edwards and Muriel Kane watched Countdown and wrote down what was on it. There is no other source material, no opinions given. They watched TV and wrote down what they saw.

And it took two of them to do it.

I have not read anything else on The Raw Story, but if this is typical of what is on there, and based on my tendency to make snap judgments after only one exposure to something, I assume that it is, then I can’t imagine going to this site learn anything.

And, as my last point of annoyance, I found it because it had been dugg by almost 1000 people.

I would like to recommend that our newly all-powerful government add the 1000 people who dugg this thing, and the two people who copied it down from the TV and begin wire tapping their phones without warrants, because they are clearly a danger, if not to others, certainly to themselves.

You’re right, Ray, no human being would stack books like this

The purpose of staying in Stamford, CT should be quite obvious, but I will state it forthwith. It was massively cheaper than staying Manhattan. Through Hotwire, we booked three nights for less than one night in Manhattan. The problem, and this one is all on me, is that we only booked for three nights, when we needed four. I figured we’d just add a fourth night, negative perspiration.

Perspiration. When you book through a third party vendor, like hotwire, it is much more difficult to add another night in your hotel. To make a long story much shorter, here were our options. 1.) Pay the walk-up rate. 2.) Roll the dice to see if hotwire can book you another night in your same hotel. 3.) Go through hotwire and just change hotels.

1.) Our rate was $60. The walk-up rate was $300. Eep!
2.) Hotwire was not able to get us back in the same hotel.
3.) We switched hotels Monday. No big whoop.

We availed ourselves of the fine public transportation system in and around New York City. It was roughly a 30 minute train ride into Midtown. We arrived at Grand Central Station. It was exactly like walking into a movie.

We walked out onto 42nd Street, and took a moment to get our bearings. This was surprisingly easy. I was surprised at how much New York felt like Chicago. It’s a big city, with a lot of people and it’s laid out on a grid. It was very easy to figure out which way was which.

Grand Central is about two blocks from the main branch of the New York Public Library on Fifth Avenue. Where ten people witnessed a free floating full torsoe vaporous aparition. It blew books off shelves from twenty feet away and scared the socks off some poor librarian. (Not Laura)

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This was a day destined to be spent afoot. We walked from 42nd and 5th to 20th Street, taking in the sites and photographing the tall buildings. For those familiar with Chicago, think about walking from 42nd to 20th streets. For those not familiar with Chicago that walk would take multiple hours. In New York it took about 30 minutes. For as big a city as New York is, geographically, it’s not that big, and one block is about 1/3 as long as a block in Chicago. It was a great day, and a nice walk.

We went to the Theodore Roosevelt Museum.Bring our Presidential homes total to three for this trip. It was a nice museum with an 18 year old tour guide. The artifacts were really cool, including the shirt, speech and glasses case that were in his breast pocket when he was shot while giving a speech in Milwaulkie. The speech and case taking the brunt of the bullet. He gave a 90 minute speech after catching the bullet before going ot the hositpal for treatment. Teddy was FIERCE!!

We then walked up 9th Avenue to 39th street to go to a flee markey in Hell’s Kitchen. one guess whose part of the trip this was.

Our plan was to walk back to the library so was could go in, as it was closed when we arrived earlier in the day. There was a considerable construction on both 40th and 41st, so we walked up to 42nd, thinking we’ll just walk down 42nd to 5th and we’ll be right there. No problem.

Would anyone like to guess what lies between 42nd and 9th and 42nd and 5th?

Dsc01486_4This is me, pointing to my (and Michael Scott’s) favorite New York Pizza Place.

That’s right Times Square. We accidentally walked into Times Square. It was pure madness. Lots of tourists, lots of stores, lots of lights.

It was Picadilly Circus on crack.

Broadway, north of 42nd was blocked off to traffic for a giant flee market. I don’t know if this is normal for a Saturday or just something that happened to be going on that weekend, but it was a really crowded version of every street festival in Chicago.

We abandoned our plans to go to the library and walked north toward Central Park. We zigged to the east and walked to the Apple Store of 5th Avenue first. I wanted to see if I could get my iphone headphones replaced. That was pure folly. It was way to crowded for that type of small request. We gave up and walked across the street into Central Park.

After a directionally challenged attempt to walk from East to West across Central Park, where we walked East to sort of the middle, then South back to 52nd, we walked around to Central Park West and Spook Central.

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This is the point in our story where I do a small commercial for the iphone.

When walking around a city you don’t know, and you have an iphone, you get to avoid being the tourists on the street corner holding a huge map out in front of you, turning it right and left trying to figure out where you are and where you are going. All you have to do is hold your phone in your hand, pull up the map feature and you’re good to go. We put in addresses, names of places, etc. and it would map out directions from where we were standing. We also used it in the following scenario.

We walked up to the Dakota and into Central Park so we could see Strawberry Fields. It was a great experience for me, both as a Beatles fan and as someone who desperately needed to sit down in the shade for 20 minutes.

While we were sitting there we caught a whif of Chinesse food in the air. And, not possessing the same olfactory abilities as Scooby Doo we could not simply follow the smell to its source. We pulled out the trusty iphone, typed Chinese Food into the search box, and were promptyly shown 5 or 6 restaurants in our vacinity. We chose one and walked there for dinner.

It was great. We never would have found this place on our own. YAY iphone!!!

According to Laura’s pre-trip internet research there was a restaurant where John and Yoko used to hang out. We walked to that address only to find out that it hand closed the previous year. Damn, the luck.

At this point our fatigue set in pretty fierce. We walked the thirty blocks South to Grand Central, for our ride back to the hotel. Our first day in New York was a lot of fun andc very tiring. It set the tone for the rest of our time in the Big Apricot.

Walking. Seeing. Eating. Fun.

Indiana Universe

Pop Culture. Sports. Things.