Chicago –
In what can only be described as two sides that are on opposite ends of an issue failing to reach an acceptable compromise, local Walgreens owners and police are at a stand still over the controversial, Less-Smelly-Criminal program instituted in the 9th ward over a year ago.

"It seems like overkill to us. I mean, there are ways we can both be happy here, and they’re just kind of being dicks about it, "said a source inside the police department.

The LSC was put in place after years of complaints by local law enforcement about the overwhelming odor emanating from the underarms of suspected criminals. The short of it is that criminals were receiving reduced sentences, or in some cases free passes for lesser offenses if the suspects could produce proof that they possess deodorant.

An unintended consequence of this program was a sudden and startling rise in the left of deodorant from local Walgreens stores. The police were loath to apprehend these criminals as these thefts made their job infinitely more pleasant, but shop owner soon had had enough.

In response to this situation Walgreens owners have put all of their deodorant, except for the aerosol cans behind locked glass. When asked for a comment about why the aerosol cans were left unguarded, the night manager said that there was an error made when the cases were ordered.

Now, if one wants to purchase deodorant from Walgrees, customers must press a little green button which activates an alarm in the store "ASSISTANCE NEEDED IN DEODORANT!" This announcement repeats until an associate with a keys comes and unlocks the case.

Local police have requested that the Walgreens owners rely on their video surveillance system, or at the very least, move the deodorant to the back of the store.

"At this point, we’ve spent so much money on these cases we’re kind of stuck with them. We feel bad that the cops are once again having to deal with these malodorous criminals, but here we are.

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