Jeff Taylor Writes

My Favorite COMPLETELY inconsequential day of the year

July 31, 2007by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

That’s right boys and girls. Today is the Major League Baseball trade deadline. Or, for all the impact it has on when trades can be made, Tuesday.

Every year, ESPN radio and Sportscenter make a HUGE deal about today being the trade deadline. In other sports this means that today would be the last day you are allowed to make trades. In baseball it means, go ahead and make some more trades.

Don’t believe me. Look here. This is a list of transactions made during the 2006 baseball season. You can look at it by month. If this was a true deadline then there would be no trades after 7/31. Go ahead and look. See if you can find the word "trade" in August, September, or October. Also look for "in exchange for."

Packer Method:
You will roughly find eleventy billion trades in those three months last year.

Quote of the year

July 30, 2007by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

I was flipping through the channels last night and came across the brand new reality series The Two Coreys starring of course Corey Haim and Corey Feldman.

Based on the mere fact that these two guys are like Todd Bridges on drugs, OK, so I guess that would be just like Todd Bridges, when it comes to child stars gone bonkers I was immediately intrigued. Add to that, Corey Feldman has a SUPER HOT wife. Corey Haim is living with them, and Haim is fat you’ve got reality gold.

During what I can only assume is one of many fights during this upcoming season. Corey Haim says, "I don’t know why [Feldman’s wife, Susie] is involved in this at all. You’re not part of the Coreys. And you never will be!"

After which he storms out onto the patio.

That’s pretty much the most self-involved thing I’ve ever heard. I love it.

I guess that’s just Corey being Corey.

Walked right into that one

July 28, 2007by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

Last weekend my brother and his girlfriend were in town visiting. We had a great time. Did all of the "Chicago" things you can fit into 4 days. One conversation keeps replaying itself in my head, as I found it typical of talking to Michael, and thus, very funny.

Michael: "Name the top three things that are pickled." (It should be noted that this came out of nowhere and was something he apparently saw on Family Feud. At the time I didn’t know that. It just seemed really random.)
Me: "Pickled? Cucumbers. Herring.
Michael: "What’s Herring?"
Me: "It’s a fish. They pickle it."
Michael: "No."
Me: "What do you mean no?" How do you quantify this answer? Lots of people eat pickled herring."
Michael: "That’s not the right answer."
Me: "OK, I give up. What’s the answer"
Michael: "Cucumbers. Eggs. and Peppers."
Teresa: (who had been listening to this high minded exchange the whole time, and I might add, agreed with me about the herrings) indignantly "Who pickles peppers?!?!??"
Michael: "Peter Piper."

He wins.

Happy Birthday Laura

July 25, 2007by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

Today is Laura’s birthday. Everyone wish here well. Out of curiosity I was looking on imdb.com to see who she shared her birthday with. Here’s a brief list.

Matt LeBlanc
Estelle Getty
Walter Payton
At least 5 porn stars (3 of whom were also born in the same year.)
Walter Brennan
and my absolute favorite

the cause for the answer to this question

"What is the greatest comedy killer of all time?"

"The Assassination of Arch-Duke Franz Ferdinand."

That’s right history buffs. My wife shares her birthday with Gavrillo Princip. The man who assassinated Arch-Duke Franz Ferdinand beginning World War I.

I can’t explain, and don’t really need to, why that’s fantastic. Either you agree with me right away, no thought involved that there’s something awesome about that, or you don’t care at all. But trust me, it’s awesome.

So, if you see any of these people wish them a happy belated birthday. Except Gavrillo Princip. He’s dead and he’s a douche.

Happy Birthday Laura.

The greatest motivator

July 24, 2007by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

Last night I was up until 2am finishing Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Turns out Hermoine really likes cheese. I never saw that twist coming. Amazing!

Finishing this book in 3 days, which is a record for me, doesn’t even come close to putting me in the same class as the people who got it Friday night (we saw one of these horror shows. We decided to go home and go to bed) and didn’t sleep until they had finished it.

I find that kind of devotion pretty remarkable, but I’ve got things to do. Though, not that many clearly if I finished it in three days.

And, while I really liked the book (the end is particularly satisfying. At lest it was for me) I wasn’t necessarily reading it because I was sucked into the story. I wanted to finish it before I accidentally found out what happened.

This fear was the driving force behind my reading pace. It’s kind of a shame. To more or less be forced to read it fast or have it ruined for you kind of sucks.

As long as there are thing people are excited about there will be long lines of people eating fiber and corn just waiting to take a shit on it for them.

So because of the great masses of ass clowns, we’re all forced to stop what we’re doin’ cause they’re about to ruin, and read until your eyes fall out.

Still, though, I’m glad I know the ending and got it meet it on my owns terms without having it spoiled for me.

And I can’t believe Ron’s mom is really a dude. Never saw that one coming.

V for Vendetta – R for Ripoff

July 24, 2007March 3, 2016by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

It’s been months since I have seen the movie, and I didn’t really think of it then, but Alison was watching it tonight and the following thought occurred to me: I’ll give a shiny quarter to the first person who can convince me that the makers of this film didn’t totally rip the ending off from Caddyshack, short of Natalie Portman not yelling, "Hey, everybody! We’re gonna get laid!"

Best Convenience Store Ever

July 17, 2007by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

There are certain events that only come along once or twice in a lifetime. Events that one must be sure they are a part. Today I took part in one of those events. I went to Kwik-E-mart. There are 11 7-Elevens across the country that have been turned into full-fledged Kwik-E-Marts. The signage has been changed. Simpsons decorations have been put up and there are products on sale that can be found at a Kwik-E-Mart.

One of these 11 stores is in the Chicago area. It’s a few blocks from Midway airport. For those of you who don’t know where this is in relation to where I live, it’s roughly 120 blocks south, and 40 or so West. Not close, in other words. But, as I had no other plans today I decided to take a drive. I’m sooooo glad I did.

And yes, I took a camera. And, yes, taking pictures inside a 7-Eleven feels a little ridiculous. Hey Wang! What’s with the pictures?! It’s a parking lot!!

Why I should be $500,000 richer

July 10, 2007by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

The World Series of Pop Culture 2007 edition began this week. I love watching this show, but every time I watch it, it makes me mad. I should be on this show every year, winning.

I blame my first year’s lack of participation on not knowing it existed. This year is Deana’s fault. See, she has a job (first mistake) and doesn’t live near me (second mistake). She was not able to come to Chicago the weekend they held tryouts, and thus we were not able to find a third person to help us kick the crap out of all these wannabe’s.

Deana now owes me money, and also maybe some prozac to level me out after watching this show.

Last Summer

July 5, 2007by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

I came across this article on Sky News today. It commemorates the hottest July Day ever in Britain. We were there that week on our honeymoon. It was brutal.

That Wednesday was the day we discovered that, mercifully, the British Library is air conditioned, unlike almost all of London. We spent over two hours there looking at very old books and not sweating.

It’s nice to have such ready access to news stories from a very special time. Despite the heat, it was pretty much the best trip I’ve ever taken. And now that it’s been almost a year since we were on our honeymoon, it’s even more fun to be able to look back and see what it was like to be there then.

It must be summer

July 5, 2007by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

Last Monday Laura and I went out to Ravinia. I highly recommend spending a summer evening out there. There are few things in the Chicago area that are as intrinsically pleasant. Even if you can’t find a concert you are 100% excited about, the atmosphere makes it a great way to spend the evening.

We went to see Indigo Girls. Laura had never seen them. I had seen them twice previously. It wasn’t until we were there that I realized the last time I saw them was on the Lilith Fair tour in 1997. Which puts it at 10 years ago.

Something about it being a decade really struck me. How much of my life was vastly different than it was in 1997. How in many ways I don’t feel all that much different, but in most others 21 seems so very foreign to me.

I’m married now. I’ve taught kids who are now older than I was the last time I saw them in concert. Summer’s don’t mean the same thing they did then. I’m a teacher so I have the time off work, but it just doesn’t feel the same. Summer is no longer SUMMER, though I guess it hasn’t been for a long time.

But then I got up and walked around. It was about 75 degrees outside, not a cloud in the sky. The slightest breeze in the air. I caught my shadow on the ground cast from the intermittent street lights lined up along the path, and for one brief moment, it 1997. I was 21 and it was SUMMER.

God, that felt good. To have summer back in that way, for just a moment, put a smile on my face for the rest of the night. I even heard a few songs I knew by heart.