I was reading Bob Kravitz’s column in the Indianapolis Star this morning about Devan Dumes and his special off the court situation. It seems that Devan has an 8-month old baby that was sick this last week and this was weighing on him. He decided to take out his frustrations with his elbows on cheeks, backs and groins.

Kravitz wasn’t making an excuse for him and neither am I, but I will say this. He’s not alone. What I learned from my semester as an Abnormal Psych major at California University and wikipedia is that there’s this thing called transference. It’s basically taking out your feelings for one person on another.

There have been many examples of this throughout recorded history.

This is perhaps the worst case scenario. Brig. General Jack D. Ripper, who after feeling a sense of exhaustion and emptiness following the physical act of love, came to a startling realization. His precious bodily fluids were being depleted through the most insidious of all communist plots, the fluoridation of our water supply. Not only did begin to deny women his essence, but he also began an elaborate plan to send nuclear war codes and attack orders to all of the fighters near the Soviet Union. Fortunately all of the fighters were called back. Unfortunately, one of them wasn’t. And then there was the issue of the secret Soviet Doomsday machine.

The similarities between these stories and Dumas’s do not end there. Prior to the game this past weekend, Tom Crean had to call up Tom Izzo and tell him about everything that was about to happened. This is a transcript of Coach Crean’s side of that call. Tom Izzo had apparently been drinking at the time this call was made.

Tom Crean: [to Izzo] Hello?… Uh… Hello T- uh hello Tom? Listen uh uh I can’t hear too well. Do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little?… Oh-ho, that’s much better… yeah… huh… yes… Fine, I can hear you now, Tom… Clear and plain and coming through fine… I’m coming through fine, too, eh?… Good, then… well, then, as you say, we’re both coming through fine… Good… Well, it’s good that you’re fine and… and I’m fine… I agree with you, it’s great to be fine… a-ha-ha-ha-ha… Now then, Tom, you know how we’ve always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the elbow… The Elbow, Tom… The thrown elbow … Well now, what happened is… ahm… one of our players, he had a sort of… well, he went a little funny in the head… you know… just a little… funny. And, ah… he went and did a silly thing… Well, I’ll tell you what he did. He ordered his elbows… to attack your players… Ah… Well, let me finish, Tom… Let me finish, Tom… Well listen, how do you think I feel about it?… Can you imagine how I feel about it, Tom?… Why do you think I’m calling you? Just to say hello?… Of course I like to speak to you!… Of course I like to say hello!… Not now, but anytime, Tom. I’m just calling up to tell you something terrible has happened… It’s a friendly call. Of course it’s a friendly call… Listen, if it wasn’t friendly… you probably wouldn’t have even got it… They are not likely to reach their targets.. I am… I am positive, Tom… Listen, I’ve been all over this with your Athletic Director. It is not a trick… Well, I’ll tell you. We’d like to give you a complete run-down on the targets, the body parts targeted, and the pointiness of the elbows… Yes! I mean i-i-i-if we’re unable to recall the elbows, then… I’d say that, ah… well, ah… we’re just gonna have to help you destroy them, Tom… I know he’s our boy… All right, well listen now. Who should we call?… Who should we call, Tom? The… wha-whe, the People… you, sorry, you faded away there… The People’s Central Groin Defense Headquarters… Where is that, Tom?… In Lansing?… Right… Yes… Oh, you’ll call them first, will you?… Uh-huh… Listen, do you happen to have the phone number on you, Tom?… Whe-ah, what? I see, just ask for Lansing information… Ah-ah-eh-uhm-hm… I’m sorry, too, Tom… I’m very sorry… All right, you’re sorrier than I am, but I am sorry as well… I am as sorry as you are, Tom! Don’t say that you’re more sorry than I am, because I’m capable of being just as sorry as you are… So we’re both sorry, all right?… All right.

Sadly, not all of the elbows were able to recalled, but none of them reached their exact target. And Goran Suton’s groin didn’t have a Doomsday device attached to it, so tragedy averted.

So, Devan clearly has some work to do on himself so he doesn’t go around blaming Spartan body parts for his own misfortunes.

Let’s all hope he is able to get it while he’s not playing tonight against Minnesota.

No theme song for today, just the video clip of the greatest one sided phone call this side of Bob Newhart. (This whole thing is going to make me skew much older)

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