Of the Canadian I’d least like to be stuck in an elevator with in 1988 is.
I know that’s a pretty specific category, but this is one award that has been well and truly earned. I was watching, thanks to Netflix and the WWE, the very first Royal Rumble, which took place in 1988 in Ontario, Canada. During the first match "Ravishing" Rick Rude vs. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat there was a woman, at least in her mid-thirties, sitting in the front row with a cartoon character T-shirt (I couldn’t make out which character), and that baseball cap with the two hands sticking ridiculously out the front and a string hanging down that causes the hands to clap if it is pulled. If this ridiculous get-up is not enough to qualify her, she also had a mega-phone. It was not the rap-master 2000, so no one thought she was Hammer. She used it from the start of the match t shout random cheers, or whatever it was she was thinking at the time, loud enough to be picked up by the mics.
I like to think the following conversation took place on the way out the door that afternoon.
"Boy, you got my Leaf hat?"
"No, Ma, I ain’t. Alls I got is this here hat with hands clapping on it. You want that one, eh?"
"You knob! How’m I s’posed to go to the wrastlin’ match without my Leafs hat? Give me the damn clapping hands hat. It’s better than nothin’ and if we end up on TV I want to look my best."
"OK, fine. You ready to go then?"
"Not until I get my megaphone. That Rick Rude thinks he so hot. I’m gonna give him a piece of my mind."
The best part of the whole thing is Event Security came down to her about 10 minutes into the match (all of this happened off camera, but if you watched any of this, you knew it was coming) and took her megaphone away from her. The next time you see her on camera she’s sitting there, with her hands in her lap, looking very sad.
I was reminded of this while I was watching the last five minutes of one of the NBA playoff games that was pretty much locked up. They took a shot of the one guy left in his section who was rooting for the home team. You could easily determine his affiliation by looking at the Raptors jersey he was wearing, or if you missed that, the fact that his face was painted his team’s colors and he was wearing a matching wig.
I have no problem with the face painting fan. And what I’m about to say actually comes from experience as I painted my face in a blue and white spiral emanating from my nose (which did little to deemphasize it) for the 1993 Class 2A Football Championship. After we lost the game, and brother it wasn’t close, I had to go back into the bathroom and wash all of that paint off. There is nothing sadder than the guy who was so excited before the game started that he spent at least 30 minutes in front of the mirror applying make-up standing there, pissed off washing all of that hope right off his face. As if losing wasn’t bad enough, you now have to physically remove your excitement.
The sadness that guy feels, and if he’s a Kentucky fan he deserves it, is nothing compared to the "worst Canadian of 1988" felt after her megaphone was taken away.