Jeff Taylor Writes

I wonder if there’s Grant Money available for this type of research

April 14, 2009by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

I found myself in a very interesting situation over the weekend. I went to the Derby Festival Classic in Knight’s Hall Friday night and Freedom Hall Saturday night where the crowd was distributed in roughly the same ratios as Steve Martin’s financial disclosure.

Manager and Agent 30-35% Kentucky Fans
Road Expenses 10-20% Louisville Fans
Development of New Material .00001% Indiana Fans

I didn’t have time to put this in the Rubber Chicken graph that Steve used, but hopefully this will suffice.

Needless to say, I was out numbered and as I walked through the concourse this one thought kept running through my head. “I wonder how many of these people know that I hate them?”

I was surrounded by blue, but rather than feeling intimidated or uncomfortable, I felt excited. A lot of that feeling goes back to my feelings about the Calipari hire, but just as much of it had to do with the excitement of getting to see three of our prize recruits in action against the maybes that make up their recruiting class.

But before I get into how Creek, Hulls and Watford looked on the court I have a couple of UK fan encounters to share.

On Friday night at the Let Us Never Speak of the Dunk Contest Again event as each player was introduced, they ran out onto the floor with a T-shirt to throw out into the crowd. Good Clean Fun.

When Stephan Van Treese, a U of L signee, three his shirt into the crowd it was caught by a UK fan in the first row who immediately threw the shirt all the way across the court and then stepped out onto the court with his arms raised parallel to the floor and his hat turned sideways claiming some sort of victory in a war only he was fighting. In less than 5 minutes I got most accurate picture of a UK fan in his natural habitat, acting in the only way that comes naturally to him, like a total douchebag. I felt the thrill of discovery that Jane Goodall must have felt upon her first encounter with the chimpanzee, of seeing a creature so nearly human in its natural environment.

The second, and equally telling encounter I had with the UK fan was in the men’s room. I was at the urinal closest to the sinks and the UK fan two urinals to my left finished his business, and after not flushing the toilet, walked behind me, toward the sinks and the door that was just past them. I saw him in the mirrors over the sinks pause, look over at the sinks, extend his left hand and wave them off as if they were a waiter offering a refill of coffee that he didn’t particularly like and wanted no part of. He then continued out the door presumably smelling of his own urine.

You stay Classy, Lexington.

More about the actual game later.

Two great hates, that I’ll hate great together

April 2, 2009by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

Remember this?

Not since I got this issue of Sports Illustrated in the mail on May 29, 1989 has news relating to Kentucky Basketball made me as happy as I am right now.

Kentucky hired John Calapari.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Do you love this news as much as I do?

I’d be willing to wager that whether you are an IU or a UK fan you are equally excited by this news, but for very different reasons.

Why are Kentucky fans so excited?

There’s only one answer. They care exclusively about winning. Calapari will win games. He’ll bring in big recruits. That’s enough for Joe Bluegrass.

Why am I, as an IU fan so excited?

Let me count the ways.

1.) There are probably four coaches for whom I have a vitriolic dislike. They are Kelvin Sampson, John Calapari, Bruce Weber and Bob Huggins. There is only one basketball program I actively hate. I was spending all this time hating UK and Memphis (because of Calapari). Now I can accomplish the same amount of hate in half the time. It’s like combining two high interest credit cards into one, low, monthly payment. Of Hate.

2.) As much as I dislike UK, I hadn’t spent much time thinking about them lately. When I was in high school I could name the player on UK like I could on IU. That’s probably due, in large part, to living so near so many UK fans when I was in high school and living near virtually none for the last ten years. I just don’t have anyone to argue with about it, so I haven’t paid as much attention. It’s also due to the fact that we haven’t had much to brag about recently. The addition of Calapari gives me new reason to amp up my dislike.

Which, based on the few back and forths I’ve had on facebook recently, has brought a whole new level of fun to this rivalry.

3.) I am, once again, reminded of the core difference between IU fans and UK fans. When IU hired Kelvin Sampson the reaction to that hiring was split roughly down the middle. On one side you had your Kent Benson crowd, the “I can’t believe you hired a guy who doesn’t graduate his players and is on probabation. This guy’s a scumbag and we have no interest in a guy like that running our program.” and, for lack of a famous standard bearer I’ll call this the Jeff Taylor crowd, whose reaction went something like this, “That stuff at Oklahoma doesn’t seem very good, but he’s our coach now and I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he’s on a pretty short leash with me.”

I went slumming on a UK message board to get a feel for their reaction and (Packer Method) I’m going to put the split there 75-25 between “HELL YEAH!!! WE FINALLY GOT THE GUY WE’VE WANTED ALL ALONG!!! WE’RE GOING BACK TO THE FINAL FOUR IN THE NEXT TWO YEARS!!!!” and “Are we sure about this? Hasn’t he been involved in some shady stuff in the, oh hell, who am I kidding GO BLUE!!!!!”

When something seems dirty to us, we question it and decide to support our team anyway, or we get completely disgusted and turn away completely. Pay attention to how your average Wildcat fan reacts to anyone questioning the integrity of Coach Cal. I wish I knew a word that meant super-defensive.

4.) I was right. About the character of UK basketball, about the priorities of the fans, about UK in general. I was right not to speak to my cousin the entire time she was a student there.

5.) And perhaps my favorite reason of all. In one fell swoop, Kentucky has given us back the moral high ground. We hired a guy who was a liar and a cheat. He drove the program into the ground and soiled its reputation. You know what we did? We fired his ass in the middle of a season with a team that could have gone to the Final Four.

Kentucky hired a real scumbag, and you know what they did? The held their heads up high once again, becasue they were going to go back to the NCAA tournament next year.

And lest you think I’m just a UK or Calapari hater for no reason.

Read This.

or this

(Hunt missed one game for that, btw)

Also, remember all those banners he hung at UMASS? Well, your memories are all you’ve got cause they’ve come down thanks to Marcus Camby and the gifts he got from boosters.

If I were lobotomized and became a Kentucky basketball fan, I’d be pissed off that 20 years after you hired C.M. Newton and Rick Pitino to come in and clean up your wire transfer issues, that you’d hire a guy who had this bad a stink on him.

Enjoy your deathtrap, ladies.

I’d rather light a candle than curse your darkness

March 19, 2009October 8, 2015by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

I’ve been having some doubts recently. As I watched this Indiana basketball season pass by at roughly the same pace as an economics lecture at Shermer High School, I had less and less interest in the college basketball season. I began to wonder whether I would care about the NCAA tournament without Indiana in it.

As I sit here, less than 24 hours away from the start of the tournamnet (it’s now 3:15 in the pm on Wednesday) I am happy to report that I am excited about the tournament. It’s going to be more fun to watch than last year, when I was just ready for the season to be over, that much is certain. If you are having trouble getting into the tournament this year, let me present to you, in no particular order some reasons to care.

1.) Kentucky isn’t in it either. I find this particularly gratifying as there are no extenuating circumstances. They have at least one REALLY good player. Their conference was particularly weak this year. They aren’t made up entirely of Freshmen, Juco Transfers and walk ons. They just failed.

2.) Illinois drew Western KY and I haven’t filled out a bracket yet that has them winning that game. If I’m right, big smiles.

3.) There is no stress this year. Of course I’d rather be in it and fighting for a championship, but as we’re clearly not good enough to be in that position, I’ll just enjoy not having to stress out over our performance.

4.) No Billy Packer. I don’t know if you’ve noticed the vacuum that has been created by the absence of a complete gas bag, but if you haven’t, I bet you will over the next three weeks. I hate Billy Packer and couldn’t be happier to watch a Final Four without his asinine comments. No wild statement completed unsupported by facts. No crazy predictions about what’s going to happen in the game that never turn out to be correct. No making up statistics to prove him points (Don’t worry, the Packet Method has been employed widely by others. It’s not going anywhere). And with Packer gone that only leave Bill Raftery to deal with and since there’s just one of him I think I can guard him MAN a MAN.

5.) Louisville is the #1 overall seed. I like this for a couple of reasons. 1.) While I hate UK I’ve never really had a problem with UofL, with the exception of hating Denny Crum’s chosen style of play and finding it nearly unwatchable. So, I’ll be pulling for the Cards. and 2.) And I’ll leave on this, most overly-optimistic of notes. The last two times Louisville won the national championship, we won the next year.

Pimp my database

March 13, 2009by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

Well, so much for the Packer Method. At least as it concerns IU basketball. The Indianapolis Star went live today with the adorable love child of an IU basketball fan and an actuary.

The Indianapolis Star has launched the IU Basketball Database. It’s not complete yet, as they don’t have individual box scores up yet, but that, apparently, is in the works.

I’m not usually in the business of pimping other people’s IU stuff, but this seemed worth passing on.

Who’s that little old man?

March 10, 2009by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

The following is an excerpt from a review of The Jonas Brothers: 3D Concert Experience.

It was clear from the outset that ~~“A Hard Day’s Night”~~ “The Jonas Brothers: 3D Concert Experience” was in a different category from the rock musicals that had starred Elvis and his imitators. It was smart, it was irreverent, it didn’t take itself seriously, and it was shot and edited by Richard Lester Bruce Hendricks in an electrifying black-and-white 3D, semi-documentary style that seemed to follow the boys during a day in their lives. And it was charged with the personalities of the Beatles Jonas Brothers, whose one-liners dismissed the very process of stardom they were undergoing. “Are you a mod or a rocker?” Ringo The cute Jonas Brother is asked at a press conference. “I’m a mocker,” he says.

I have spent much of this season trying to put a Beatles spin on a Jonas Brothers movie. That’s not very helpful. If you’re going to watch the Jonas Brothers movie, you should be prepared for it. It doesn’t help all that much, just like it doesn’t make it hurt less if you are told in advance about the groin shot you’re about to take, but it’s only right that you know what you’re in for.

But sitting back and saying, “This is pretty much the worst video ever made” doesn’t help either because as Kip points out, “like anyone can even know that.”

So, with a level head I will procede with the actual good. The actual bad is far too easy to point out, so I’m ignoring it for today.

It may not need to be said, but Verdell Jones III has made huge strides this season. A month ago I wouldn’t have given him much chance of serious playing time next year, but he has clearly gotten stronger and has a much better sense of what he needs to do with the ball. Shiney bright spot number one.

Nick Williams has had a quietly good season. He hasn’t made the visible strides that VJIII has made, but he’s definitely improved. I’m basing this off nothing more than my memory of the beginning of the year, but I don’t think he had as far to come. He wasn’t making the kind of mistakes VJIII was making and wasn’t getting tossed around quite as much. He is and will be a great asset to this team when he pulls up for mid range jump shots. 12-15 and he’s golden. Inside or outside of that and I’m not thrilled with his shot selection, but if we can get him the ball around the free throw line in the heart of a 2-3 he can really carve it up.

Tom Crean has done a remarkable job game planning this year. It seems like every move he’s made this year, from a strategic stand-point has been the right one. The switching defenses, the decision to go box and one or triangle and two have been hard to prepare for and have kept us in a lot of games. This kids didn’t know how to win at this level. They still don’t, but to have them in so many games against some very good teams, speaks volumes to Crean’s preparation and game planning. We played Michigan State down to the wire and they’re a very possible Final Four team this year.

Tom Crean has also done a tremendous job keeping the spirits of this team up, but even more amazing than that, he’s been able to put on a brave face in front of the cameras. He has never let it slip how hard this has been for him in public where the team could see it. This is killing him inside. How could it not? But he has sounded the right note to keep his team from hanging its collective head all season.

I’m not ready to start talking about next year yet. Give me a week and that’s all I’ll be thinking about, but for right now we’ve got Penn State on Thursday in a winnable game. If we can play MSU tight like that, there’s no reason we can’t beat Penn State. I don’t think we’re going to need anymore Inspire Indiana trivia questions than the ones that have already been written, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see us playing on Friday.

I assure I’ve never once listened to this song. Tell me how bad it is.

This on the other hand is great. I’ve been to Marlybone Station where this was filmed and as an aside, if you run down the street they ran down at the beginning and turn left as they did you will actually be running away from the station, not across the street towards it.

I’m about to go all Howard Beal up in this place.

March 3, 2009March 3, 2009by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

Something important happened in the Big Ten Tournament game against Minnesota last year. When Hoffarber hit that shot at the buzzer it meant something. It wasn’t as important as a mountain sculpted out of a mashed potatoes, but it meant something none-the-less.

A part of me went to sleep. It was the part of me that expects us to win basketball games and I didn’t realize it was asleep until sometime this weekend when it woke up.

I read a story recently, or maybe it was a blog post, I looked but I can’t seem to find it, about how the students on campus have been really supportive of the players. Telling them how much the appreciate their effort and that they know the team is working really hard. The article said that Nick Williams had gotten to the point where he hated hearing that. He appreciated the support but was so sick of losing, the ata-boys for the effort kind of stung after a while.

I have gone through this season feeling, not exactly good about our losses, but understanding of them and trying to see progress and improvement. It has left me feeling, for lack of a better word, grey. I don’t have the fire and passion for IU basketball this year. I haven’t missed a game, but going into pretty every game ready for a loss has definitely dampened my fire.

I’ve been sleepwalking through this season to protect myself from how bad this should hurt, and to keep myself from being disproportionally harsh on these guys.

I think I’ve done us all a disservice.

I’m done being OK with incremental progress and close losses. We should have won some of these games. We have lost five games by fewer than five points. I want half of those to be wins. It’s not OK that we lost all of them.

It’s not OK that we keep turning the ball over 15+ times a game.

Winning the rebounding battle in almost every game while losing 17 out of 18 games is not good enough.

I’m not giving up on these guys, or piling on. I’m expecting them to start playing like Hoosiers. I know it’s what Coach Crean expects of them. I know it’s what they expect of themselves. We aren’t helping them by expecting less from them.

I haven’t yelled at any of these guys half as much as I yelled at Todd Lindeman, Jordan Crawford or Robert Vaden and they’ve certainly earned a few “Damn it, Verdell!”‘s.

I had seats in the family section a few years ago at the Big Ten Tournament. I’m pretty sure this was 2001 as it was the year that Haston blocked that shot at the end of the Illinois game to put us in the finals. At one point Kyle Hornsby (my memory is fuzzy here, but I’m pretty sure it was Kyle) threw a bad pass for a turnover. I yelled something about it being a really dumb pass. Someone leaned over to me and said, “That’s his mom two rows in front of you.”

To which I replied, “I don’t care. She knows it was a dumb pass.”

That’s the kind of IU fan I am. I expect a certain level of play and when they aren’t giving it, I get annoyed and vocal.

“So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out and yell,

‘I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!!'”

Demanding more of them will likely lead to greater upset when we do lose, but again, I don’t care. I can’t live this button down life anymore. I want it all. The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles.

I already feel better. Just changing my mindset from passive fatalist back to Indiana fan has awakened that part of me that Hoffarber put to sleep last March.

When you asked how I was doing, was that some kind of joke?

February 28, 2009February 28, 2009by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

I haven’t written much about basketball lately.

I’ve written about the fans, elbows, Buffy, Stripes, expectations, but very little about actual basketball.

I’m not sure my mom ever told me, “if you can’t find anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” But enough mom’s on TV have said it, so I think that counts. But it’s not really that I don’t have anything nice to say, because there are definitely some if not good, then less-bad aspects to our play recently, it’s more that it takes a lot longer to find those nice things to say than it does to find the flaws in our play and to this point I’ve been reticent to criticize this team too severely.

I’ve held back because I didn’t really think it was productive to kick them when they were down, but as George Wallace once said,

“segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever?”

Not THAT George Wallace. George Wallace, the comedian. As he once said, “Can you tell me a better time to kick a man? Your foot is just that much closer to their head.”

I also held back because, despite my belief prior to the season that we could be a team that was fighting to be close to .500, I had come to realize just how far this team had to come to get back to where we would like them to be and we weren’t going to get there this year. So, in effect, why bother taking a shit on this team.

But after they quit against Northwestern, I’m kind of done holding back.

I have been a glass half full type of IU fan this season. Giving credit for effort and trying very hard to mark our improvement on a separate sheet from the one I use for our wins and losses. And, as I view this entire season as part one of a much longer season, I’m still pretty optimistic, but I’m just tired.

I can’t take any more basketball like this. I thought we had a very good chance to beat Northwestern. I thought we had a decent chance of beating Wisconsin. But since we beat Iowa we’ve averaged 54 points per game while giving up 71 points per game. Our second halves have been terrible. And we still turn the ball over with roughly the same frequency that the Dude and Walter drop F-bombs.

We have five games left in this season and I, for one, will be happy to see it go. I am anxious to begin looking forward to next season with a fresh group of guys. I haven’t gone to watch IU recruits play since I was a little kid, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to do that this summer. I need to see that there is hope for us, because right now, for these last five games, hope is in short supply.

This is my theme song right now for IU basketball because

And though her eyes are fixed upon
Noah’s great rainbow
She spends her time peeking
Into Desolation Row

Are we who you thought we were?

February 25, 2009October 8, 2015by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

Well, it’s been a year. Happy Anniversary everyone! I hope you can forgive the lateness of my card, coming as it does, two after our actual anniversary.

It was on February 22nd 2008 that Kelvin Sampson was finally no longer a going concern as IU basketball coach.

So, since it is our anniversary, it seems like a good time to take stock of where we are now, to look back over the last year and inch the door just that much closer to closed.

I’d rather not rehash everything that has happened over the last year. If you’re reading this, I’m working under the assumption that you know all of it. What I’d like to do is ask a question.

Are we where you thought we’d be? After one year of rebuilding, are we where you thought we’d be at this point in the season? Now’s a good time to be honest. If you are disappointed, pissed, hopeful, comforted, pleased shout it out. There are no wrong answers.

I’ll tell you what I think in a later post. I’d hate to skew the results one way or another. I do have an opinion, though I don’t guess that’s hard for you to imagine.

But, I’m curious about yours.

Are we where you thought we’d be? Why or why not? What did you expect? Better? Worse? More Kip Schutz?

Blown Up, Sir!

February 21, 2009October 8, 2015by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

I’m pretty sure I saw my uncle in the stands at the IU game against Wisconsin. It was right before the half and he was sitting on the left-hand side of the screen. He was on screen for a good five seconds, wearing this hideous yellow sweater and clapping.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t actually at the game. In fact, I don’t think he’s ever been to an IU game. The closest he’s ever come to an IU game was Fort Knox, KY.

Let me explain. In 1980, my uncle took his wife and three daughters with him to Fort Knox to watch a movie being filmed. They sat in the stands for three days, I think, and watched as a rag-tag group of Army misfits struggled their way through the graduation ceremony of their basic training course.

He ended up in the final cut of the film. You can’t miss him. Hideous yellow sweater, clapping.

Go ahead, check it out. It’s at the 1:13:36 mark of Stripes. It’s about halfway through the movie, and roughly one minute before the movie stops being good.

That’s why I’m fairly certain I saw him at the IU game just before halftime, wearing his yellow sweater and clapping. It was roughly one minute before we stopped being any good as well.

We are the Stripes of basketball teams. We start out strong and fun to watch, then about halfway through, we are put in charge of the EM50 project, Uncle Hulka returns, some of the team ends up imprisoned in Czecheslovakia and needs to be rescued by the rest of the team driving a heavily armed recreational vehicle.

The second half just doesn’t make sense.

Do you realize that we scored a field goal at the 19:41 mark of the 2nd half, then didn’t score another one until the 9:34 mark, then didn’t score another one until the 2:31 mark. That’s three field goals in 17 minutes of play after we shot a Packer Method 61% in the first half.

We might as well be going on a top secret mission to Italy with Ox and Francis.

I’ll go you one further. I think Tom Crean is our Big Toe. Our Unlce Hulka. He is a consummate professional and he’s charge of a group of guys who can’t seem to get it right no matter what they do. He looks like he’s been blown up in the middle of practice sometimes, and if you listened to any of his recent press conferences he sounds just as pissed at this team as Uncle Hulka was at his team.

And lastly, and I’m not sure I even need to point this out, it’s so obvious, but Devan Dumas, is a lot like Ox, he’s swallowed a lot of aggression, along with a lot of pizza.

I was able to find proof on-line. Please enjoy my Uncle Joe and his sweater.

The Weight of the World

February 15, 2009February 15, 2009by Jeff TaylorLeave a comment

Late in season five of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, after Dawn had been taken by Glory for the purpose of bleeding her to open the gateway between all dimensions, so that she, Glory, could return to her own dimension and return to her full-godly state, Buffy slipped into a catatonic state. Willow had to use her powers are a Wicca to penetrate Buffy’s dream-state and coax her back to reality so they could go fight, Glory, save Dawn and finish the season already.

I’m sorry if this spoils parts of season five for you, or if don’t watch Buffy, but I’m coming to my point, never you fret.

Willow follows Buffy around through a number of memories, a series of repeating memories. Its clear that these memories hold some meaning and they were the key to unlocking this catatonic state. The memory that seemed to stand out from the rest as being plainly ordinary was one of Buffy returning a book to a shelf in the Magic Box.

Willows says, “Right here, it happened. I know it’s something small, but it’s something. . . What happened here?”
Buffy says, “This is when I quit, Will. Just for a second. . . I put a book back for Giles. . .and then it hit me. . . I can’t beat Glory. Glory is going to win. . .And in that second of knowing it, Will, I wanted it to happen. . . I wanted it over. This is, all of this, is too much for me. I just wanted it over. . . I would grieve. People would feel sorry for me, but it would be over and I imagined what a relief it would be.”

Somewhere in the middle of the second half against Minnesota the other night, I knew exactly what Buffy was talking about. While watching the second half of that game, I gave up. Just for a second. But I thought, I just want this to be over. All the pain of this season. It’s just too much for me to deal with. Let’s get to the end of this season so we can start looking forward to better times ahead and not be stuck where we are right now. What a relief that would be.

By the end of that game I was so ashamed of myself for that brief second of defeatism, because here I sit, in my living room watching IU play, giving up. And those kids on the court never did. Not for one second. They fought all the way to the end of the game. Long past the point where I knew they weren’t going to be able to overcome their obstacles. They fought.

This team continues to fight, regardless of the odds of success or the repeated proof that no matter how hard they fight, it’s just not going to be enough. They fight.

So, shame on me. Shame on me for that one brief second of giving in to the despair of this season.

If these kids can continue to fight, then I can suck it up and continue to cheer for them.

I can’t. We can’t allow ourselves to start looking forward when there is still now to focus on. This season isn’t over. The chances to learn, improve, and yes, even win, are not gone.

After such self-indulgence, there’s no easy way out.