Before I get back to my USA Up All Night mission, I need to take a moment to address the one thing everyone expects me to address. Namely, The Unauthorized Beverly Hills 90210 Story.
Of course I watched it.
I have almost no idea what this was supposed to be. But I can tell you a few things it could have been that would have been better.
- An open apology to Douglas Emerson for pretending like he didn’t exist.
- An even bigger “you’re welcome” to Douglas Emerson for pretending he didn’t exist.
- A two-hour interview with Lucy Liu on what it was like to work at the Peach Pit.
- A conversation with Matt Durning’s sweater vests.
- Ray Pruit: Behind the Music
- The Derrick Driscoll Man hunt.
- The lost episode of Oz that was focused on Colin Robbins.
- A full concert of all of David Silver’s songs performed in their entirety.
- A trial of the hairdresser that did that to Emily Valentine’s hair when she kept Brandon for catching fire with Kelly.
- A conversation with Felice Martin on why she’s voting for Donald Trump in 2016, because you know she is.
- A full day shadowing Arnold Arnold at work.
- Dylan McKay actually reading Byron: The Collected Works.
- A 30 for 30 on the playing career of D’Shawn Hardell.
- An evening with Tuck, 20 years later.
- A lock-in at Shaw High School.
- A forensic accounting of all the money every owner of the Peach Pit After Dark lost over the years.
- An investigative report into the spray tan machine that turned Donna Martin orange for Steve’s 21st birthday party.
- Two hours of Morton Muntz in a sombrero.
- Diesel Stone playing the keytar on a continuous loop.
- Nat hosting a cooking class
That’s 20 things that would have been better than this lifetime tire fire.